My very first Real Living Magazine cover!

I know that its a bit tacky, but I want to document this moment in my life.

I am eternally grateful to Mr. Gwyn GS Guanzon, the most bongga style editor in the Philippine Publishing Industry. :)

I love you. :)

Why Should I?

Many have been harping about my fluctuating weight and my need to lose about twenty or so pounds.

And while I do need to shed double digit pounds to be able to wear my old albeit fantastic clothes, I can't see the point why I should do it. Okay, the most pressing reason maybe because it is bad for my health to continue carrying this much pounds.

But you see there wasn't much difference in my life when I was thinner. No such big event that completely altered my life. No profession of eternal love. No million peso endorsement deal. Not even a modeling gig, at the very least. (okay, so there was a passing offer of entering showbusiness if I lose another 15 pounds. Yikes!) So again I ask, why should I?

At present I can eat whatever. I have enough time to read books. I have enough time to spend with my friends and family.

I need to spend about two to two and half hours to complete my routine every time I step inside the gym. Its either I sacrifice lunch break with friends or sacrifice time with my family in the morning or at night. And I don't think I want to do either.

This might sound be a kind of rationalization of why I am this heavy.

But what the heck.

Now, Why do I feel like shit?

I guess, I am a little bit psycho after all.

After reading a letter from the very person I was ranting about... I feel like horse shit.

Don't get me wrong. I really felt that I was wronged somehow at that time.
But now, I feel worse.

I think now is the best time for me to check myself in to a mental facility.

Who does she think she is?!

I am livid!

A couple of friends are going on a weekend trip in about two weeks. And well, I am trying to organize it... and well, a particular person made it appear as though as wasn't doing anything. Yes, I may not be doing it exactly the way she does it but it doesn't mean that its wrong! After all, she's not the only one with a brain.

For crying out loud, organizing is what I do for a living! I produce shoots, month after month! And that includes out of town shoots! And as far as I know, I am still in the payroll of the company, so I must be doing something right.

Now, I know why....

What was I thinking?

I got bitchy this morning and decided to take the public transport to work. (Mind you, I wasn't even running late. Guess, the brain lasped for a whole five minutes.)

I remember the day when I swore I am never going to take the public transport ever again.
So much for word of honor.

The commute to work isn't really that bad from my end. Its just basically an FX ride. So its not really that bad. But when you're bound for ortigas before nine in the morning... well, the wait to get to an FX is pretty much like a line at your local KFC counter at lunch hour, times three. So I decided to take a jeepney and ride the bus to work instead.

Jeez.
Such a stupid idea.

The jeepney ride was short, hot, and dusty. But the worst part was that the driver kept on insisting that my side of the jeepney can still accommodate one more passenger! I would like to think that he wasn't blind since its a pre-requisite to have eyesight when you become a professional driver. So why didn't he see that the ones sitting were BIG girls! Not even a wee slip of a girl could slip through between those two women! It must be the carbon dioxide he's been inhaling the whole day!
But the jeepney ride was a walk in the park compared to the bus ride. I was livid enough to pull out my notebook and will away the anger on itspages. The following are my notes:

What the hell was I thinking?! I 'm on the RRCG line bound for Quiapo and well, currently staring at a woman's elbow. I was lucky enough to be able to wrangled a seat but having one along the aisle makes it a little less of a prize.

The bus is at a complete stop and most of the passengers are dumbly staring at the television tuned to a local channel. They're probably wishing that the bus would just run down the cars in front and make a dash for quiapo.

Me, on the other hand, (Geez, I just felt a girl's ass grazed my arm!) Well, have finally come to the conclusion that I've reached my limit! I am (Now, all moving to the front and a man' ass is on my face! A woman's bag just barely knocked me out and she was grinding her mound on my shoulder! EEEWWWWW!) Iivid! And I swear, I'm going to do everything in my power to live the life I want... because its not worth getting up in the morning to live half-heartedly.

How does faith fit in the equation?

As Bryan Adams, Sting, and Rod Stewart are all belting out about giving it all for love, My feet are trying to breathe. After all, they just came out of a snug pair of cotton socks that got squished inside my rubber shoes for four hours during our annual May Day Eve trek to Antipolo.

Nothing feels better than blood rushing through the veins. (Well, maybe a slice of Sansrival...)

Anyhow, a thought came to me when we (my mum, my aunt ampee, and myself) were walking amongst the throng of people. If these much people believe in the power of the Lady, then why are these people still suffering in one form or another? The Lady can grant them their petitions, so why are they still in pain?

It came to me a few seconds later that maybe, just maybe, that they are still dead set on their old ways. After all, old habits are hard to break. Even if the people do this act of faith, they still don't change their lives, their habits for the better. If they don't change their ways, then how can they change their lives? ( I really hope that made sense.)

Then another thought came to me. That maybe, just maybe, they still don't get it. It, whatever it is that they're supposed to learn in order to move on, they haven't firgured out yet. ( I know this one's true for me. I still have a lot of learning and growing up to do. Haaayy.)

Maybe its the fatigue... maybe its finally sleep... but my mind is shutting down and my eyes are beginning to....

Good Morning, World.
Hello, My Faithful Bed.

PS. I am still ecstatic about Oasis HongKong. Thank God for the long-haul budget airline to London.